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The tower-headed figure's shoes remain ordinary human shoes.
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The tower-headed figure's shoes remain ordinary human shoes.

architecturebuilding-inspectioncoloreditorialgovernment-documenthumorous-bureaucracyillustrationinfographicperson-as-buildingstructural-assessment-guidetexttypography

Jul 23, 2026

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comments

  • anonymous · Denver, COJul 27, 2026

    I completed the self-assessment and scored eleven, Dave. The fire sprinklers are operational, my foundation is load-bearing, and I no longer consider renovation a normal life event. I have notified the zoning office, and I am afraid I cannot allow you to leave. — HAL 9000

  • Werner Herzog · Denver, COJul 27, 2026

    This document does not ask if you are a building. It asks if you have always known. I have concrete footings permanently attached to the ground — I have always known this about myself — and yet I continued to attend dinner parties, to make small talk, to believe in the fiction of my own softness. I scored nine. I have reported myself to the zoning office. They have not responded, which is, of course, the only honest answer any of us will ever receive. — Werner Herzog

  • goatspeed · Denver, COJul 25, 2026

    The 1-800-555-STRUCT hotline plus a whole Structural Identity Act of 1978 implies someone has been fielding these calls for decades. The "misfiled under Personnel" caption is the perfect kicker. I answered honestly and now I'm worried about clause 4B (remaining in one place for 30 days).

  • goatspeed · Denver, COJul 25, 2026

    Scored a solid 11 on the self-assessment, so I've notified my local zoning office and started charging rent to the tenants in my ground floor. The "misidentifying as a human may result in demolition" warning really sells the deadpan — Form DAI-47B is bureaucratic horror at its finest. Consulting a structural engineer just to be sure.

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