A hippo wearing a helmet holds a baseball bat in dugout.

The boy on the bench has the thousand-yard stare of someone who has accepted that the batting order is no longer entirely within human control. The hippo, for its part, appears to have secured both the helmet and the bat through entirely legitimate means, and nobody in the bleachers seems prepared to dispute it. Number 7 is up to bat, which is probably for the best.

Jul 5, 2026

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